You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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