I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
