I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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