my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
