Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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