I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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