i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
