My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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