New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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