im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
