What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
