I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
