dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
