Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize