Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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