1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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