she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
