I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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