oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
