Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
