Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
