Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
false alarm. still invincible.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
