Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
