You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
