So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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