Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
