I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
