break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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