the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
