the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
