I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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