I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize