All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize