fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this will be a night to untag.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
