hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
