we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
