tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he shaved USA in his pubs
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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