You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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