??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
