I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
