There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
