Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
