Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
