Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Never joke about your clitoris.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
