Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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