The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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