Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
