I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
