I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
