I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
