first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
