You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
