I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do herpes really smell.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
