you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
