Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
