I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
