Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
