i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
