Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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