he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
