That's intense
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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